Late last week, our old pal Jimmy Fetzer made the bizarre decision to resurrect a particularly birdbrained claim first published on Maria Hsia Chang’s reprehensible”Fellowship of the Minds” back in January of last year. This claim, like many before it, originates with professional con man Wolfgang Halbig and posits that Danbury Hospital posted about the Sandy Hook shooting a full forty-eight minutes before the first 911 call had been received by Newtown Police, proving once and for all (for real this time!) that the event never happened and that Danbury Hospital – like literally everyone else on the planet, save for Wolfgang Halbig at this point – was “in on it”. This is, predictably, absolute hooey.

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In addition to being a bit of a moron, Wolfgang Halbig is also roughly one thousand years old, so it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that he… let’s say struggles a bit with even the most basic technology. So when he attached the following image…

…to an e-mail regarding his Chalk Hill shenanigans, I had a few immediate thoughts/questions:

1) What in the holy hell does this have to do with Chalk Hill?
2) How in the world does this prove that Lenny Pozner is a “fictitious character”? My God, what a leap.
3) Of course Wolfgang Halbig does not understand Exif data. Because why would he?

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Despite clumsily exposing himself as nothing more than a desperate charlatan at every possible turn, a shocking number of people (i.e. more than zero) continue to give the outlandish claims of perennial wannabe Wolfgang Halbig the kind of reverence they’ve never deserved. Take for example one of his more recent tall tales: that all 456 students enrolled at Sandy Hook Elementary School for 2012-2013 were actually attending school one town over, at the site of the former Chalk Hill Middle School in Monroe, CT on December 14th, 2012 (rather than starting in January of 2013). Therefore, at least according to him, the shooting couldn’t possibly have occurred as there were no children or educators physically located at Sandy Hook. Unsurprisingly, Halbig has thus far failed to explain how this new theory fits in with his previous allegation that the school was permanently closed in 2008 as Chalk Hill was still in use (at least as a school; it continued to house the Monroe Parks and Recreation department as well as Monroe Early Learning Center) by Monroe township up until 2010. Of course this isn’t all that shocking as weaving his fever dreams into any kind of cohesive narrative has never been the guy’s strong suit.

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“Congratulations, you found two middle-aged, jowly, white guys in Fairfield County, Connecticut. Remarkable!” – David Wheeler, CBS News interview, September 23, 2018

Certainly any sane, rational human being would struggle to choose the single most batshit insane component of the thoroughly preposterous and downright repulsive Sandy Hook hoax theory. There are simply too many to choose from, and they’re all just so, so dumb. Here are just a couple of examples:

For me, the profoundly stupid claim that some of the victims – or, as the story goes, some of the child actors who played them (before disappearing forever) – magically aged five years in two short months and then performed alongside Jennifer Hudson at Super Bowl XLVII is the clear-cut winner here. Hands down. The whole thing is just too bonkers, top to bottom. But coming in at a very close second is another absurdity that has a lot in common with the aforementioned Super Bowl babble (such as logical gaps so large that you could drive a couple of bucket-wheel excavators through them, side-by-side; a healthy dose of Prosopagnosia; and of course the nonsensical belief that the Obama administration, or whichever bogeyman is alleged to have been responsible for orchestrating such incredible theater, was able to rope hundreds if not thousands of people into their grand scheme, only to risk it all by re-using “actors” in different, prominent “roles”), and that is the claim that David Wheeler, father of six year-old victim Benjamin Wheeler, played the part of both grieving father and FBI Special Agent on the day of the shooting.

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The claim that no one died at Sandy Hook School on December 14th, 2012, and that it was all just a “drill”, presents nearly endless logistical complications, most of which have been hand waved away by deniers. But one issue that they have attempted to tackle, albeit in their own special way, is: what happened to the twenty young victims? Where did they go? If they’re all still alive, why hasn’t anyone seen them in the nearly six years since the shooting? Well, many of these doofuses will happily tell you that we have, and at Super Bowl XLVII, of all places.

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I’m at the point where I’ve pretty much stopped asking most Sandy Hook deniers any serious questions, including those that may ultimately prove useful in illustrating the numerous, grievous flaws in their already dubious claims. This is partly due to the fact that the overwhelming majority of them are pathological liars, and I choose not to waste my time with their nonsense. But more so than anything else, it’s because they simply cannot or will not answer them. As an example, ask Wolfgang Halbig why he continues to use such blurry, low-quality copies of Shannon Hick’s infamous evacuation photos in his near-daily rambling, unsolicited e-mails and you’ll be treated to a wall of gibberish that not only fails to even acknowledge the original question, but attempts to cajole you into answering somewhere around fifty of his own. It’s what’s commonly known as a Gish Gallop, and it’s as exhausting as it is intellectually dishonest. But one question I do still ask from time to time – a question no one has attempted to answer as of this writing – is this: if the school closed in 2008, where did its ~633 students go?
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Despite having been debunked, discredited, and publicly humiliated so many times that those of us without an advanced degree in mathematics have lost count, bloated carny Wolfgang Halbig is somehow still out there (as opposed to locked up in a loony bin somewhere), doing his thing, shamelessly exploiting the slaughter of twenty small children and seven adults in a sad and fruitless attempt to be finally recognized as someone important (oh, and of course raise over $100,000 in the process).

One of Wolf’s favorite methods of disseminating his barely-literate and unhinged gobbledygook is an e-mail list that he’s compiled using the (unsolicited) e-mail addresses of anyone who has ever contacted him. I know this because I inexplicably found myself included in the list after asking him – sometimes politely and other times not so much – for my $1,000. So I now have the extreme privilege of witnessing his slide into what I have to assume is dementia first-hand. And while Wolfgang spam is one of the last things I want to see upon opening my inbox, it does allow me to debunk his bullshit that much faster. Which – wouldn’t you know it – brings us to today.
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With what will surely be known as one of the most baffling, awful years in recent history finally coming to a merciful end, I figured I’d wrap things up with a (very) short list of the 2016’s biggest cowards, at least according to me, and presented in no particular order:
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If we ignore our better judgment and continue to treat the wild-eyed conspiracy theorists, con-men, and criminals who make up the Sandy Hook denialist cult with a level of respect that they have neither earned nor deserve by limiting our look at the school itself to the years of 2008 through 2012 – years that these total whackadoos, without so much as a whiff of actual evidence, falsely contend that the school was closed – we find yet another point of interest in the numerous glass display cases found in the school’s lobby area; somewhere in between 3-6 of them at a time throughout the years. Most of these cases were tall, vertical cabinets, located just inside of the main entrance, usually along the large front window Adam Lanza used to gain entry into the school. There was also a museum-like table display, which was moved around from time to time, depending on what was being featured. Lastly, there was a large display built into the wall at the corner of the lobby, in between the office and the west hallway. What these items have in common – besides the obvious, of course – is that in photographs published in the Newtown Bee, the Newtown Patch, as well as on the school’s website (all of which are included below), we can see their contents change time and time again, providing even more evidence of normal student activity inside of the school. Unless, of course, you somehow still believe that mystery agents spent four years meticulously and realistically decorating and furnishing a building (with up-to-date magazines for parents, brand new children’s books, thousands and thousands of dollars worth of cutting-edge technology, and of course pizza) that, according to James Fetzer, Wolfgang Halbig, Maria Hsia Chang – the usual cast of clowns – was “infested with asbestos” and being used exclusively for storage. And all for the benefit of some photographs most people will never see.
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